Male announcer: And now, nickelodeon and dreamworks'
Monsters vs. Aliens.
- ¶ mva ¶
¶ mva ¶
- ¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
¶ it's us vs. Them
¶ foe vs. Friend
¶ brain vs. B.O.B.
- ¶ it's a super-freaky job
- Oh, yeah, it's freaky.
- ¶ mva ¶
- ¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
- [cackles] - ¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
¶ mva ¶
- The game's five-card hogwash, boys.
Jacks are fours, and bushy eyebrows are wild.
Dealer bats first.
Play cards!
- Uh, buddy,
So why you all stretched out?
[tires screech] - [screams]
- Whoa, my butt's gone. Where'd it go?
- It would seem this is a case for...
The monstery mystery club!
- Whoo-whodunit!
- Nice logo.
I dig the colors.
[ominous music]
¶
- Ahh!
[vulture screeches]
- [grunting]
- Ah, mystery solved.
Susan's the culprit.
- It's always the giant ones.
- [grunting]
I'm trying...
To get b.O.B...
Into...
The bath!
- Oh, now I remember.
Yeah, I totally ran away from her.
[sighs]
Good times.
Save me!
[all yelling]
- Oof!
- Feel free to jump in here, guys.
- Give it up, suze. B.O.B. Is not a bath guy.
- Indeed. Persistence is futile.
- Seriously?
Come on!
Wait, where did he--
[sneezes]
- Hi!
Hey, you know, you're sinuses are immaculate, suze.
- Ahh!
- [laughs]
[wheezes]
Oh, how I enjoy displays of utter incompetence.
- Whatevs, coverton.
You're just cranky 'cause your head
Smells like rotten gym shorts.
- Burn!
- Foolish earth dweller.
That aroma controls my telekinesis.
- Whoo--
Ahh!
- Without it, my mind would create
A hurricane of psionic force
That would be the end of us all,
So go kiss a floognarg!
[blows raspberry]
- Better burn!
- It was.
[blows raspberry]
- Come on, b.O.B.
If you don't take a bath,
You'll wind up like coverton.
- Whoa, like coverton?
You don't mean I'll become...
Cranky?
- Cranky? - Cranky!
Being cranky is my worst fear in the world, susan!
Wait.
Are you saying baths cure crankiness?
- Well, if it'll get you to take a bath, sure--
- Don't say another word!
I'm a believer!
Out of the way, people!
Incoming!
[machine beeps]
[machine squeaking]
[bell rings]
- Ooh, looking sharp, big blue.
- Oh, thanks, susan.
You really saved me back there.
- Aw, don't mention--
- [giggles]
- B.O.B.!
- You were looking kind of cranky earlier, susan,
But don't worry.
A bath will cure you in no time!
- [yelling]
- In a world filthy with cranky people...
[western music]
One b.O.B. Knows how to cure them.
[imitates machinery]
His weapon?
Bath time.
Hold tight, you miserable cranks.
Old b.O.B.'s coming to save you.
Onwards!
Clang!
Backwards!
[foreboding western music]
¶
- Ahh!
- [laughs]
- Whoa!
- Oh!
- There's soap in my eyes!
[rubber duck squeaks]
[people screaming]
- Not the loofah!
[people groaning]
- Huh? What?
- What in sam hill?
- B.O.B., why are you hogwashing my troops?
[tense melodic whistle]
- Cranky.
- Holster that scrubber, solider!
That's an order!
- [laughs]
- [screams]
- [laughs]
- Uh-oh. See you!
Ow!
Walk it off. Walk it off!
A-ha, I'm already in the shower!
You can't get me!
[rubber duck squeaks]
"a shower is not a bath."
- [laughs]
- Mama monger!
- [laughs]
[acute string music]
[ominous music]
[bubbles blipping]
- Monsters, I am not a happy general!
B.O.B.'s little soaker stunts
Have cost joe taxpayer millions in damages!
On top of all that,
My fingers are so pruney,
I can't even pilot my jetpack properly!
Ahh!
- If you're so mad, then why you still wearing the cap?
- This is leave-in conditioner, son.
Soldiers follow instructions!
- Thank you, sir!
Anti-cranky mission nearly complete.
All: Cranky? - What now?
- Yeah, susan told me baths cure crankiness.
- Ah, floognarg.
- [chuckles]
General, forgive the intrusion,
But I heard you were having a monster problem.
May I suggest relocating the blob?
The center of the sun is delightful this time of year.
[laughs]
- [gasps] cranky.
Loofah!
- Wait, this is about baths?
[splutters]
- Overreact much?
- [quivering]
- Get a hold of yourself, coverton.
A bath never killed anyone.
- Besides, that smelly comb-over of yours could use one.
- Fools, you have no idea of the danger!
What to your limited senses is foul stench
Is precisely what keeps my powers in check.
Without it, a telekinetic hurricane will destroy us all!
All: Oof!
- Basically, if the idiot gives me a bath,
We're all doomed.
General, this calls for drastic action!
Give me the nuke codes.
- Unacceptable!
I am not in the mood for doom today,
Teleki-whatsis or otherwise.
Coverton, I'm putting my best men
In charge of protecting you:
Team monster!
All: Us? - Them?
- Me? All: B.O.B.?
- [laughing]
- [shouting]
- Monsters, protect covert-- [gags]
Gosh, I can't even say it without feeling throw-uppie.
[clears throat]
Monsters, protect coverton!
- Listen to susan.
- [laughing]
- Faster, faster, faster, faster, faster, faster!
- Come on, I just want to make you happy!
- Target sighted.
Intercepting with freeze ray in three, two...
One!
- Ahh!
- Targets headed west.
Also, ow!
- General, can you see them on surveillance cameras?
- Negatory!
B.O.B. Gave them all baths.
- Just leave it to the fish man.
Easy, little buddy.
You don't want to tussle with all this muscle.
- [grunts]
- Tiny duckies. Seriously?
You're gonna need something a lot bigger than--
Squeak!
- I made that one for susan!
Give it back when you're done borrowing!
[laughs]
- [splutters]
[screams]
[gasps]
Oof!
[screams]
[loofah brush crackles]
- [imitates lightsaber]
The cranky is strong in you.
- Me, cranky?
Of course not.
See, I am as cheerful
As a fluffy bunny in a meadow--
Oh, I'll just blast you!
Back away, or you're vapor.
[snickers]
- Sure.
I already had my bath today anyway.
- [babbles]
[machine beeping]
- Ahh!
- B.O.B., you can't do this!
It will destroy us!
- Sorry, susan.
There's a cranky alien who needs my help.
[both grunting]
- But all that stuff I said wasn't true!
A bath won't help him!
- But you said--
- I know, but I was just joking.
- Joking?
- Baths don't really cure crankiness.
I guess I just have a weird sense of humor.
- Oh, well, that clears a lot up.
- [sighs]
- Wait, how do I know this isn't a joke too?
You, with your self-described "weird" sense of humor.
Nope.
Everybody needs a bath!
- No!
- [screams]
- What's with her?
- Waiting for the doom.
Um, why aren't we doomed yet?
- Hmm, it's a pickle.
According to coverton,
We should be suffering unimaginable pain
Inside a psionic firestorm by now.
- Then why aren't we?
[bell dings]
[laughter]
- He's just--
[laughter]
- Yes, hysterical.
- Coverton, what the blazes is going on?
You said we'd be wiped off the map!
- Oh, uh, did I?
[chuckles]
Silly me.
What I meant to say was...
This happens.
Oof!
[laughter]
- In that case, at ease, men!
I'm off to find a new jetpack.
Do the sounds...
[men imitating jetpack rumble]
- I should have known coverton's a big, stinky liar.
- Well at least you were right
About baths curing crankiness, susan.
Would you look how happy coverton is?
His frown turned upside down!
- It's third and seven with 14 seconds left.
Driscoll drops in the pocket, throws deep and--
Interception!
- Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Taylor's at the 20! The 10!
Touchdown!
The thunderbolts beat the vipers 21 to 17!
- Whoo!
- An exciting conclusion to your sporting contest, link?
- Oh, yeah, doc.
I cannot wait to rub monger's face in this.
His vipers went down like--
- [gasps] link!
- [spits] what?
- You're eating diane!
- Diane?
- B.O.B.'s girlfriend!
- What? No, I checked.
B.O.B.'s girlfriend diane is clearly marked with--
Ahh! I ate diane!
[groans and spits]
B.O.B. Will be crushed when he finds out I ate--
Well, actually, he'll be confused,
Cause, let's face it, that's his comfort zone.
But then, when he finally gets it--
Crushed! What do I do?
- I could drop the brain of a capuchin monkey
Into the skull of a wombat.
- And that will help how?
- In this situation, not at all,
But it is something I could do,
So I thought it should be noted.
- Link, just tell b.O.B. The truth.
- Yeah, no.
I'm gonna make a new diane.
B.O.B. Will never know the diff.
Except I don't know how to do that.
Suze, help me make a new diane!
- The truth is like ripping a bandage off:
Do it fast.
It'll hurt a little,
But you'll feel better in the long run.
- Hey, guys, anybody seen diane?
I got to tell her something.
Diane!
- B.O.B., buddy, you know about bandages?
- Oh, right, she's chilling in the fridge.
[laughs]
- Wait!
A gentle-blob such as yourself
Shouldn't just barge in like some kind of...
Barger guy.
Diane might be getting dress...Ing?
- [laughs] what?
- Dressing? What about--
- Also, link has a thing to show you.
- I do?
- Yes, that really, really cool thing?
Remember?
The one that took an hour
To an hour and a half for a firm mold.
- Oh, yeah.
That really, really cool thing.
- Gosh, I really should talk to diane.
On the other hand, I love really, really cool things.
What are we waiting for?
Let's go, link!
- Uh, okay.
- What happened to the bandage of truth?
- Stickier than expected.
- I can't wait to see this really, really cool thing!
Where is it?
- In a really, really cool place?
And we need to take a car to get there!
- Whoo!
Road trip!
- I just couldn't bear to see b.O.B. Crushed, okay?
I panicked.
- Obviously.
Add boiling water to gelatin mix,
Add pineapple, stir, chill.
That's it?
So mundane.
- Okay, where's the pineapple?
- There are some leftovers in here.
- Ew! We can't use that.
- Not in its current state.
But with the help of science?
[cackles]
- You mean mad science?
- Ooh, busted!
- So how much longer till we get to
The really, really cool thing?
'cause we have been gone for what seems like,
Yeah, a pretty ridiculous amount of time here.
- Oh, you'll know it when you see it, b.O.B.
[laughs]
Hopefully I will too.
- Okay.
That comment confuses me,
But I'm going to disregard it
'cause confusion's kind of my comfort zone, right?
- Yeah, right.
- You know, you really understand me, link.
Just like diane.
I mean, there is a lot of diane in you.
- You have no idea.
[burps]
- Rise, tropical rubbish.
Rise to your full-fruited glory
Through mad science!
[cackles]
[electricity crackling]
[cackles]
[dramatic organ music]
[cackles]
- Hey dr. C, I found a can of chunks
Way in the back of the cupboard.
- [cackles]
- But fresh is better than canned.
- [growls]
- Ahh!
Unless it tries to eat me!
- [growling and snapping]
[screeching]
[high-pitched snarling]
- Is that your stomach?
- No. Why?
Are you saying I ate something I shouldn't have?
'cause I didn't.
I totally did not!
- Whoa that was kind of
A disproportionately defensive response there, buddy.
- Uh, yeah, I guess it was.
- [snarling]
- I mean, you do eat some things that maybe you shouldn't.
- Uh-oh.
- But you work out too,
So it's a healthy lifestyle.
[tires screech]
- B.O.B., I have to tell you something.
It won't be easy for you to hear,
But I owe you the truth.
- Link, buddy, I already know.
- You do? - Yep!
We're here!
And you're totally right!
That is one really, really cool rock!
- [growling and screeching]
[roars]
- I mean, I like how it's pretty much like every other rock
You've ever seen, so it's not all in your face about coolness.
- Yeah, that's it.
That's the reason I dragged you all the way out here.
- Totally worth it.
- [snarling]
- [sighs]
No, b.O.B., the truth is--
[loud crash]
- [roars]
- A mutant pineapple is eating my car!
- Wow, this place is chock-full of cool things!
- [snarls]
[roars]
- No, b.O.B., it isn't.
Run!
- [screeches]
- And what exactly are we doing now?
- Waiting for water to boil.
Boring, but it's the next step, so please don't say--
- Mad science can solve that!
- Eep!
[kettle whistles]
- Ha, my microwave blaster...
Boom!
[camera shutter clicks]
May have been a little more robust
Than the situation called for.
- Doctor, your mad science--
- Is making you mad?
- Little bit, yeah. - Understood.
- [roaring]
- [grunting]
Ooh?
- [screeches]
- That's a tough pineapple!
[both screaming]
- Now we wait for the gelatin to set.
- Wait? Ha!
Who needs to wait when we have mad--
- Dr. Cockroach, you go mad science,
I go ginormic!
Are we clear?
- Very clear. Ixnay on admay iencesay.
Clear as ice.
Or is it?
I know what you're thinking.
- Doubt it.
- A monkey-brained wombat
Could tunnel through this and get help.
Shame nobody listened to me earlier.
- Aw, link, I got it.
We just become puddles and hide!
- Um, b.O.B., I can't become a puddle.
- Not with that attitude, you can't!
Come on buddy, just put a little effort into it!
- B.O.B., seriously!
It's physically impossible!
I cannot become a puddle!
- Strange.
You never mentioned this before.
I wonder what other secrets you're keeping from me.
- Well, okay, now that you mention it...
- [screeching roar]
- We'll talk later! - Yeah!
- [roars]
[both screaming]
- [gasps]
- B.O.B., buddy, this is the end,
So I've got a few things to say.
- [roars]
Look, you've been a tight pal, b.O.B.,
The best this prehistoric fish-man ever had,
And that's why I need to come clean about diane.
- Diane! - Yeah, diane.
I ate-- - no, diane's part pineapple!
Hey, I bet if I tell this guy--
- No, I don't think that's--
- Hey, guy, crazy coincidence.
You're a pineapple, and I happen to know a--
- [chomps]
- B.O.B.!
No!
So you're gonna eat me?
Go on. I don't care.
I deserve it.
- [burps] huh?
- I ate my best buddy's gelatin girlfriend,
And then he got eaten!
And now I'm gonna get eaten!
I think there's some poetic justice
In there somewhere maybe.
- [rumbles]
- Anyway, the worst part is, I never even told him
How sorry I was.
It was an accident. I never meant to--
- [rumbles]
- Uh...
So are you gonna do this or--
[grunts]
- [rumbles]
[screeches]
Boom!
- Aw, b.O.B.
- Yeah?
- B.O.B., you're alive!
- Yeah, I guess I don't digest very well.
- So you didn't hear anything
That might have sounded a little like a confession?
- Like a what--
Whoa, link, look at me!
I look just like diane!
- Yeah, diane.
See, what I--
Whoa! - Come on.
I got to show her this.
- Know what?
Looks good. - Agreed.
B.O.B. Will never know the difference.
- Diane! Diane!
Where's diane?
Oh, there!
Check me out!
Pineapple chunks!
We're twinsies!
- He's buying it!
- Thank goodness.
- The great gelatin romance continues.
- Oh, and I almost forgot.
I'm breaking up with you.
All: What?
- Guys, please.
Kind of a private moment.
I was gonna tell you earlier,
But link had this really, really cool thing
He needed to show me.
Don't be like that.
I think we've both known for a while
This wasn't working.
Plus, I've met someone.
She's a banana pudding cup.
I hope we can still be friends.
Come on, evelyn.
You got to see this rock.
It will change your life.
- So we went through all that for nothing?
- I guess.
Oh, well. Anybody want some--
- [slurping]
What?